today, edward had me convinced that my dad sold me to him for $450.
obviously i didn't believe him at first, but he just kept insisting and insisting until i just started questioning whether it could really be true. he was so SERIOUS, and i said i was going to ask my dad about it and he seemed genuinely concerned, all "no, kaity, don't, i promised i wouldn't tell you."
BUT IT WAS ALL A JOKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
it seemed so real though because i was trying to guess how much he paid for me and i was like "$100." and eddie said "higher." and i said "500." and he said "lower." so it seemed like he already knew the price and everything like it was TRUE but it wasn't so shut up i'm sorry i'm stupid.
eddie bought this book called haunted by chuck palahniuk and there is this fucking gross story about a guy who used the sucking filter thing in the bottom of a swimming pool to masturbate. because he'd sit on it and it'd suck his butt and feel good. and one day he was doing it and he orgasmed (which, by the way, after he did it he always swam around and collected the globs of sperm so that his sister wouldn't get pregnant from them) and he tried to swim up because he was running out of air, but he couldn't because he was stuck. so he kicked off and he noticed this "snake" was clamped on to his butthole. and he said the snake was chalky white and veiny and it was bleeding.
and he said as he more closely observed the snake, he noticed that it had corn in it and peas and a big yellow pill like the ones horses take. then he realized that HE had taken that pill and realized that the filter had just sucked his intestine out of him. but he was running out of air so he had to just swim up and have even MORE of it pull out so he could breathe. but it wouldn't budge so he just chewed off his nasty shit-filled intestine. and swam out and then he just had to explain himself to his parents.
his sister went swimming in the pool afterwards and got pregnant.
it's not a true story, but good lord almighty is it disgusting.( hotdog.Collapse )
not really we didn't buy it or anything. but that might be it.
OHHHHHHH. taylor, edward and i decided that for the harry potter premiere, instead of dressing up as characters we are going to buy M&M suits, stuff them with pillows so we are round, spray paint them the appropriate colors and go as the quidditch balls. well, taylor would be a broomstick. but i would be the quaffle and edward would be the snitch and ... TESSA AND ZACH!?!??! would be the bludgers. we were also thinking someone could wear a hula hoop on their head and be a goal post but i think that might obstruct somebody else's view of the movie.
I AM SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!!1
anyway, i am going to take a shit and i expect a multitude of comments when i return.